Wednesday, April 28, 2010

A Modest Proposal

So here's my little plan. Get together a bus load of elderly, white, middle and upper middle class folk. Leave even our driver's licences at home. Go to Phoenix, Arizona. With excellent media coverage of course, deposit ourselves at police headquarters in Phoenix. Tell them, each one of us, that we have no papers on us identifying us as citizens, or as having a right to stay in the United States.

Remind them that by law they are now required to arrest us on suspicion of being illegal immigrants unable to produce papers showing our right to be here. I mean, how much more suspicious can you get than having someone tell you they have no papers.

Demand to be arrested, and repatriated to our countries of origin. In my case, they can choose between Canada, France, Scotland, England, and an Indian Reservation, though I might not tell them the latter, as it would be too cheap for them.

Result: Either they 1) do as we ask and we all get a one way ticket somewhere nice for a holiday and return home at our own expense or 2) refuse to do as we ask and reveal the law in all its racist and unworkable glory.

They could arrest us for wasting police time, but what a grand court case that would make, wasting police time by trying to make them obey the law???

Whoohoo - on to a winner here!

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Exercise Guide for Older Adults

Editor's note: In these tough times we need to take extra good care of ourselves, so here's some sage advice ...

  • Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.
  • With a 5-lb. potato sack in each hand, extend your arm straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can.
  • Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.
  • Each day, you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.
  • After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb. potato sacks.
  • After a couple of more weeks, move up to 50-lb. potato sacks.
  • When you have mastered this, try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb. potato sack in each hand and hold your arms staight for more than a full minute.
  • After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each of the sacks.

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